Thank fucking god.

Today I had my last drain removed. I don't know if I was gonna make it for a bit there. I am so thankful to have it out. The drain site was really hurting for the last few days and I was really just over it. I also had to wait til the drains were out to shower (I have been sponge bathing - yuck) and start wearing my compression garment. I also get to stop taking antibiotics. I don't know why I wanted to stop taking them so bad but just having to make sure I take them 4 times a day and with food and blah blah blah. That is done. Phew.

It's been kinda hard for the last few days for me. I have been in a lot of pain. I kinda feel like I have been hit by a truck and my stomach muscles feel like they are on fire at times. I think I was doing so well the first 2 weeks cuz I was managing my pain really well so I was up and around ok. Now, I am only taking tylenol, which is so not working. I am having a really hard time sleeping - both falling asleep and staying asleep. I know this is affecting my emotional state, too. When you don't sleep, you don't heal. I need to get better so I am going to try to be more regular with my Tylenol and taking my Ativan at night to help me relax and sleep. I think I was really not wanting to put substances in my body cuz I didn;t want to get used to the feeling. I know I just need to do what my doctor says and take my meds.

Hopefully, I'll be able to get myself out of this hole I am finding myself in. I went to a meeting yesterday and it felt really good. Things'll get better. I just need to focus on staying in the moment and seeing how things are improving.