Ooh la la...

So I went over to Vidal today for my interview/aptitude test/tour. It was odd but exciting. The ladyI was supposed to interview with was out. Lame. She apparentlybroke her wrist but will be back to morrow so I will go over there then. All good. OK, the aptitude test was weird. It had the expected synonymns section and math problems but there was this section where they woul dlist 4 things you could do and you had to pick which one you would like to most do, assu,ing you could do it. There were things like this:

a. Start a program to eliminate juvenile delinquincy
b. help an underprivileged family budget their lives
c. Design a new plastic container
d. teach a class

Ok. Weird. Obvious a sa motherfucker but weird. I almost felt like I waas gonna get penalized for not being shallow enough. They asked if youliked to read and if so, books or magazines. I answered yes and mostly books. You then had to listgt he magazines you read. Um... People? Us? Time? No. Don;'t write Time. Cosmo? I was scared I might be too cerebral for this, which is a laugh. Oh well. We'll see. It's not like they wanna give back my already paid tuition. I probably could have answered I only read Mother Jones and I still would have been accepted.

Weirdcest part fo the test was the color/shape section. You had to recognize which shapes were the original shape, just turned around. Not bad. But there were questions like "which color would make an overweight person appear slimmer?" and "Which of thesse patterns should you wear if you have a large bottom?" I was like, um.... yer gonna look fat regardless. No color every made me look skinny. I am sure I got thast whole section wrong.

All in all it was a successful day. I am going at 3 to go see David Boreanaz, my beloved Angel, on the Craig Ferguson show. Yee haw. And I have a cut and color appointment at Vidal after my interview tomorrow, now. So cool. I hope they don;t fuck it up. I think I am going to be sitting in front of a classroom. Lol. I am gonna have to do it to someone else someday so I might as well know how they feel. AND the wonderful girl atthe counter is not charging me. She told me not to tell anyone but no one reads this thing anyway, right? :)

Enjoy my newfound enthusiasm, people. I am hoping it lasts. I am feeling balanced and calm and also excited for things to come. But I am not ignoring the moment though. There are no ordinary moments. You have to enjoy every god damned one of them.
xoxo

I am home.

We did it. Somehow we managed to get everything I own into the truck and get me down here. OK. Let me be fair. jason managed to get everything I own intot he truck and move me down here. I basically drove and did as told. Those were my parts. I did really well at those though!!

Jason was seriously crucial to this move. You should see the spacial skills that man has. He definitely rivaled my dad. It was awe inspiring. There was some stuff I just couldn;t lift, like the giant tv mentioned in my last blog entry that STILL DIDN;T SELL!! Jason managed, withthe help of a piece of cardboard, a pillow, and my very minor assistance, to move the tv out of the living room in my house, downthe stairs, downt he outside cement stairs and down the sidewalk and into the truck. Dude. It was incredible. Motherfucker's like Macguyver! We got it all packed up pn Friday with Beth and Kim's help and were able to settle in for chinese food and the last of my dvr'd tv. So sad.

Saturday am we got up, had breakfast at Just For You and were on the road by 9:15. We were totally on schedule. We rocked out the drive in abotu 6 hours and met up at Shag's house with all of J's friends - these guys are amazing. Seriously. They unloaded that piggity-packed truck in, like, 20 minutes. They are a machine. A well oiled machine. We hung out saturday night and ate pizza and played poker and stuff. I had a mild outbreak of overtiredness which Jason handled beautifully. He is a fucking catch. Damn.

Sunday was a chill day for the most part thatinvolved coffee, breakfast, kung fu and dinner at J's dad's house. It waas fun to meet his dad and his wife. They are great people and I had a great time. I was invited back whenever I like - even without Jason. :)

I am now sitting at my mom's desk typing this until we get the wifi sitch up and running. So far today I have unpacked most of my clothes. I am about to start on the bathroom stuff. My mom made me the nicest room ever. Les was here this weekend and they went to Ikea and got a new dresser for me and rearranged the room and made it all so nice. I feel so happy and so lucky to be able to be here. Such a blessing...

There is nothing wrong with my tv...

So why won't anyone buy it? I have this great huge TV that is going for a very reasonable price and all I get are flakey folk who either don't show, change their minds a million times, or just never call back. Ugh. I have dealt with some serious flakes in my CL adventures. Yesterday I had a guy call who wanted all my free stuff I had listed. This was at 11am. I finally called him at 3 and he said he was on his way but stuck in traffic. At 4:30 or so I get a call from him that he had been in a "fender bender" and had to go cuz the police had just gotten there. Um, ok... He never showed. Luckily some freako dude showed up this am after I relisted everything and took it all away. Now all I have left is this TV. This massive TV that I don't want to move. I tried to lift it yesterday to get rid of the table it sat on and realized I am so not as strong as I used to be. It was a scary realization. I lost a lot of muscle in this last year - that is so obvious now. It really freaked me out.

What else? End of work was great. I got a goodbye lunch that wasn't very ceremonial at all. But whatev. I did get a $200 gift certificate to Burke Williams Spa so that rocked. And Connie was so cute and se gave me a starbucks gift card for every day of the week so I can stay caffeinated throughout my school day. We had a great goodbye full of hugs and love and niceties. When she and I are good, we're great. Too bad they still haven't hired anyone...

Packing has been ok. I am at that awful point where I just have random shit left and I am ending up with boxes with some pretty strage combinations. Sheets, a scale, cds and a fork? Sure, those go together. As long as it's packed, at this point...

J gets here tomorrow and we'll pack the truck, have some last minute SF fun and then drive down on Saturday. We have helpers on the other end (Thanks guys!!) and then, done. Phew.

This is it til I am settled, kids. Wish me luck. Here goes nothin'....

a little over 1 year, a little under 100...

Well, I am just gonna call it a hundred, people. Yesterday am I weighed in at 185.6 pounds - putting me at a 99.4 pound loss over the last year. I believe my first appointment with my surgeon was August 4th of last year so I am really right there in terms of coinciding. A hundred pounds in a year. Wow.

Over the last year I have discovered a lot of stuff. I am a total food addict. I knew this before but in seeing how hard I have, at times, seen myself try to slip back into my old ways I now know it for a fact. I need to stay constantly aware of how I am treating my body. I am long past the miracle phase of this surgery and its aftermath. I need to exercise. I need to eat meals, not snacks. I need to stay busy but not so busy I don;t eat properly. I need to stay up on my protein so my muscles andbones stay healthy. I need to keep taking vitamins and calcium so I can be sure to supplement the malnutrition that comes along with this surgery. I can;t risk goingthrough this to get healthy and in turn make myself fall apart. Never forget that - even when it seems like everything is fine. You can;t see things on that level in yourself. You can be eating away your insides and not even know it until it's too late.

I got sober this year. I gave up food and embraced alcohol in a way I never had. This apprently happens to aa lot of people, especially women, after gastric bypass. For some reason, you can drink more wihtout getting that woozy sick-drunk that comes before the surgery. I have 61 days today without a drink or any sort of drug (except nicotine and caffeine). It's been really, really hard. It has made me insane at times and made me utterly peaceful at others. It has brought on some serious snacking and also made me think about my food addiction. I am very proud of myself and the choice I have made to get control over this. I do get some people not understanding what I am doing or why I need to. Yes,this is a lifelong change. This isn't somethng I am doing so I can go back to drinking "normally" again. I can;t drink or use drugs normally. Hell, I can;t even drink coffee normally. Once I get that good feeling, I always just want more. It's who I am. I see that and I want that not to be a part of my chaos. I want a little more serenity in my life, please. I want my alcoholic mind to shut the fuck up sometimes so I can hear what's going on around me. I am working my ass off to get that so that I can have a successful, happy life. I want this. I will do whatever I can to find this.

I made the decision to stop standing still and letting time pass by. I decided to be proactive and get mys shit together and create a future for myself. I am ricking my comfort in my cushy nondemanding job so that I can branch out and make something of myself. I am thrilled. I could never have done this woithout the weight loss. I never would have been comfortable with the idea of being on my feet all day at work. I wouldn;t feel ok with looking good enough (whatever that means to me) to be in the beauty industry. I needed to get to a space I was comfortabl ein with myself and how I look so I could help other people do the same. I am excited t learn new skills. I am excited to delve deeper into skilld I have developed on my own. I get to play with my look and be adventurous in my style. I can be whoever I want to be on any given day and I can't wait for that. I get to learn all sorts fo stuff that I get to make moeny doing but really enjoy the hell out of at the same time. I never thougth that was even an option. Crazy....

There has been so much more that has gone on in the last year but I am at a loss to explain it all now. Thank you to everyone who has been so helpful and supportive. I don;t knwo where I would be without the urging of some, the backing off of others, and the love that all of it brought to me and what I have been through. I am still Neely, even in all of these changes. Parts of me that lay dormant for so long finally get to come out again, some for the first tme. Parts of me that were out there, shielding the real me, are being laid to rest - hopefully forever. I am still totally crazy - that will always be there. :) I just hope that it stays a positive crazy. My quirks are charming right? They are what make me me. And besides, I am so damn cute and lovable, how could you resist me?? :)

I like cream cheese.

My whole life I have hated cream cheese. Blech. Yuck. I was always the weirdo who had to ask for butter at the brunch. Well guess what? I like cream cheese now!! When Al and I had our garage-less garage sale a few weeks ago, i went and got her a bagel and cream cheese at our weird, only open for 12 minutes every other day but sunday neighborhood coffee shop. I was starving so I asked for a bite and, guess what? I f'ing loved it. So weird. This has continued. I can only eat a half a bagel ata time anyway but i have managed that on a couple different occassions. Bests o far was from Noah's last weekend. Yum.

Other news. I am addicted to online poker. Not the kind that involves real money - don;t worry. I figured a game is a safe transferrance, right? As long as I don't follow it into the money realm. I do keep getting caught playing by my boss. But I am getting my work done so screw it. Whatever. I love poker. I suck at it in real life but damn do I enjoy it online.

I am moving 2 weeks from tomorrow. Holy shit. I am so not prepared. Molly is coming up this weekend to help me get packed and stuff - thank god!! I am sure I will feel better once everything is started. I am just kinda freaking out this very moment. I am not freaking out. I shouldn;t use those words. Just aware of the fact that time is getting short. I will be fine. All will be well.

I will have 60 days sober on Saturday. Yay me. Moll will be here to see me get my chip. Hee hee. I am excited. I am doing ok with it all. I am kinda stalled on my steps cuz my sponsor has been mega busy but it's going ok. I will be starting my 4th step when I move down. That's a doozy but it will be good to be working on something during my transition. I am pretty good at making lists of what I hate about myself. I shouldn;t get such a sick pleasure out of it but I do, a little. No way as much as I would have before. That is actually a really big relief.

We still haven't hired my replacement at work. Connie will never find anyone she likes. Out of a stack of resumes 2 inches thick, she pulled one. One. My last day is a week form tuesday. She might want to get on it. All I can do is do my best to leave things in an organized way. Then I am gone. Sorry, Charlie.

To sum up: I like cream cheese and poker. I need to pack. My work needs to hire a new me. I am sober. I feel the need to apologize to someone named Charlie.