Decisions

I realized that I am in the middle of this crazy whirlwind right now and am starting to get stressed. I am, all at the same time, too busy and too lax. I have so much to do to plan for my move and school and everything but I feel like I am just treading water. It's getting pretty scary, really. I have been on my budget plan for some time now but feel like I am not getting anywhere. I do have a credit card very close to paid off, so that is good, but I have another that isn't anywhere near it. I am in a one step forward, one to two steps back mode. My savings is building a bit but I know it isn;t nearly enough. I have done all this research on schools but I don;t know what I will end up with. I have gotten scared lately that SMC's classes are going to fill up and I won't get the schedule I want and will have to extend my time in school even more. I don't want that. I have done some research on schools that are more expensive but I am guaranteed classes and they start every 2 months or so. Do I bite the bullet and take out loans to pay for school? Who the hell knows. Everything is all undecided and it drives me nuts. Ack!!

On to anothe rtopic - my weight/body/food. I am at 194ish right now. Not a huge loss in the last while but I feel smaller. I am in a size 16 jeans and an xl shirt from old navy. It feels great. :) I love being able to do little things like borrow a sweatshirt or just run out and buy a shirt anywhere if I need one. It is such a freeing feeling. I do, however, need to get my shit together and stop fucking around. I have been eating a bunch of junk lately and snacking a lot - 2 huge no nos. I keep pushing the envelope and I need to stop. I also need to get back on some sort fo exercise trip. My walking to and from work has all but stopped. A day here or there but nothing more. I woul dlove to get outside this weekend but it's so hard by myself. I just don;t know what to do, where to go, etc. I need motivation in human form. It's just how I work.

Other than that crap, things are going pretty well. I am in therapy and I a enjoying it. I found a good therapist who gives me tools and assignments - something I need so bad. I so didn;t want someone who was just gonna nod at me and "uh huh" a lot. I needed someone who would make me commit to changing stuff in my life. I need change right now. I want change. I have been standing around for so long, it feels like. I am ready to go forward.