If you had my surgery, please read this - a much needed update and admission.
Things have been hectic but great. I just haven't found a place to update in a while - I am sorry. So, here is my deal:
Weight/Food/etc.:
I am down to 188.8 as of this morning. Only 3.8 more to go and I am down 100 pounds since I started this whole thing. It is slow going as of late. I have been having some issues. I am snacking a lot. I think I have fallen into believing in the "magic" of the surgery. This is a bad thing. The weight comes off no matter what for a really long time so you start to feel invincible. You assume it will keep going no matter your patterns and you don't notice old habit screep back in. I tend to find ways to eat more. I take breaks mid meal so I can fit more in later. I eat small amounts fo sugary foods or crappy snacks. I can down wheat thins like nobody's business. These are all things I need to stop. Like now. These things are the reason I am only down as much as I am. Does it sound like a lot? Sure. Could I be losing more and be healthier in general? Absolutely. The key to keeping all of this off, I have heard time and again, is changingthe habits. I can go back to how I used to be. I need to realize that and really know it. I need to accept my powerlessness over food - I mean, hello! I had major surgery to control this and I am learnign how to train my body to eat that way agina? Stupid me needs a freakin' brain bypass. I am trying. I am paying attention. I am needing to get my shit together.
It is really easy to just get used to the surgery and its benefits without grasping new ways of living. I haven;t jumped on the exercise/healthy living train. Sure, I do more things than I used to but none of them include actual exercise. All of the times I have committed to going to the gym? Not once. The treadmill? It is a glorified clothesrack lately. That whole walking to and from work? It's been weeks, if not months since I have done it. It's important that I train my body. I need to get new habits. I need to figure out how.
My skin is becoming a pretty big burden. It just hangs on me. My stomach is just this jiggly mass. My arms? They have elephant wrnkles. The tops of my thighs are crazy fleshy pockets. And don't even get me started on my boobs. I will need plastic surgery in a major way and I am only 29. I am going t have to do some serious planning since I will lose my insurance when I leave my job in August. If anyone out there has $30k or so to spare so I can get half of me trimmed off, let me know. :)
Now the major thing. I wanted to share this because I think it's somethng that a lot of people will come up against in all of this. I think it is called addiction transferrance or something. I have always been a fan of altering substances, as many of you know. I went through my bog old pot phase for my early 20's. Did a drug or 2 in my Santa Cruz days. Always had some sort of alcoholic beverage involved throughout those years. And there was always food. Food soothed me, entertainmed, consoled me... you name it, food was there and it helped. I lost that when I had surgery. I lost my constant.
About 3 weeks after surgery I decided to see if I could dirnk alcohol yet. I did it. It went down quite fine. I could drink. Big mistake. So, in my attempt to compensate for my not being able to eat, I kinda started to drink. A lot. This seems to not be so very uncommon for people in my situation. There are message boards for bypass patients and addictions. There is talk around the Boards of how much do you drink, what did you drink this weekend, etc. Well, I feel like I topped them all. I am done. I stopped drinking. I had several last hurrahs over the last few months and I am done. It will be 30 days on Friday. There are a few of you who I was hoping to get to and tell outside of this area but time is passing and I really feel like I needed to get this down for anyone else who is reading this post or pre-surgery. It's something to keep an eye on. It is major and it can change your life. In the last 11 months I have lost 97 pounds, made major life decisions in terms of career, schooling and location, met someone amazing, and have the first string of 30 sober days I have had since I started drinking when I was 13 or so. Interesting times, to say the least.
Just to sum that up - if you are having surgery or have already had it and have even the slightest tendency towards addiction to anything (hello? food!!) just keep an eye on it. The calories alone are enough to steer you clear - I was probably taking in about 500 calories in wine alone every night. So not worth it at all.
And now on to...
Life:
I am moving to LA August 18, 2006. I give my notice at work this week and I am terrified but so excited. I decided, with some help from some people, to go to Vidal Sassooon in Santa Monica. It is incredibly expensive but it is worth it. Their structure will provide me with a very rigid schedule and that is exactly what I need. I will have to get past the whole Student Loan terror and just go for it. I am going into debt to secure a profitable future. It's an investment. I need to remmeber that. I will be in LA atthe end of July to check out the school. School will start on September 5th for me. So exciting! I can't wait for the new chapter of my life to begin.
What else? I was in Philly for a family Bat Mitzvah. I didn;t drink through the whole weekend and it felt good, I suppose. It was hard, don;t get me wrong. I love to drink. I want to drink. I can't drink. Crappy.
I just got spend a really great 5 days with Jason. :) He came up Friday and we played in SF and did touristy things. We went to Pier 39 and had chowder in a bread bowl. We walked around and looked at Alcatraz. We went to the Musee Mechanique, which I love. We got souvenir pennies and took pictures in a photo booth. It was so much fun. :) We also went to the Botanical Gardens - my favorite place. I got to show Jason all the places I have lived in the city and all the stuff I used to love/love now. It was a great time full of lots of time just getting to be together, watching TV and playing video games. I suck at video games, by the way. I need to play with people who suck worse than me. ;) J left this am which blows but I will see him in 3 weeks and then 3 weeks later, I am there. All is good. All is very very good.
So there it is, folks. That's where I am right now - sober, still losing, happy, focused, determined, and ready to go. Wish me luck. :)
Weight/Food/etc.:
I am down to 188.8 as of this morning. Only 3.8 more to go and I am down 100 pounds since I started this whole thing. It is slow going as of late. I have been having some issues. I am snacking a lot. I think I have fallen into believing in the "magic" of the surgery. This is a bad thing. The weight comes off no matter what for a really long time so you start to feel invincible. You assume it will keep going no matter your patterns and you don't notice old habit screep back in. I tend to find ways to eat more. I take breaks mid meal so I can fit more in later. I eat small amounts fo sugary foods or crappy snacks. I can down wheat thins like nobody's business. These are all things I need to stop. Like now. These things are the reason I am only down as much as I am. Does it sound like a lot? Sure. Could I be losing more and be healthier in general? Absolutely. The key to keeping all of this off, I have heard time and again, is changingthe habits. I can go back to how I used to be. I need to realize that and really know it. I need to accept my powerlessness over food - I mean, hello! I had major surgery to control this and I am learnign how to train my body to eat that way agina? Stupid me needs a freakin' brain bypass. I am trying. I am paying attention. I am needing to get my shit together.
It is really easy to just get used to the surgery and its benefits without grasping new ways of living. I haven;t jumped on the exercise/healthy living train. Sure, I do more things than I used to but none of them include actual exercise. All of the times I have committed to going to the gym? Not once. The treadmill? It is a glorified clothesrack lately. That whole walking to and from work? It's been weeks, if not months since I have done it. It's important that I train my body. I need to get new habits. I need to figure out how.
My skin is becoming a pretty big burden. It just hangs on me. My stomach is just this jiggly mass. My arms? They have elephant wrnkles. The tops of my thighs are crazy fleshy pockets. And don't even get me started on my boobs. I will need plastic surgery in a major way and I am only 29. I am going t have to do some serious planning since I will lose my insurance when I leave my job in August. If anyone out there has $30k or so to spare so I can get half of me trimmed off, let me know. :)
Now the major thing. I wanted to share this because I think it's somethng that a lot of people will come up against in all of this. I think it is called addiction transferrance or something. I have always been a fan of altering substances, as many of you know. I went through my bog old pot phase for my early 20's. Did a drug or 2 in my Santa Cruz days. Always had some sort of alcoholic beverage involved throughout those years. And there was always food. Food soothed me, entertainmed, consoled me... you name it, food was there and it helped. I lost that when I had surgery. I lost my constant.
About 3 weeks after surgery I decided to see if I could dirnk alcohol yet. I did it. It went down quite fine. I could drink. Big mistake. So, in my attempt to compensate for my not being able to eat, I kinda started to drink. A lot. This seems to not be so very uncommon for people in my situation. There are message boards for bypass patients and addictions. There is talk around the Boards of how much do you drink, what did you drink this weekend, etc. Well, I feel like I topped them all. I am done. I stopped drinking. I had several last hurrahs over the last few months and I am done. It will be 30 days on Friday. There are a few of you who I was hoping to get to and tell outside of this area but time is passing and I really feel like I needed to get this down for anyone else who is reading this post or pre-surgery. It's something to keep an eye on. It is major and it can change your life. In the last 11 months I have lost 97 pounds, made major life decisions in terms of career, schooling and location, met someone amazing, and have the first string of 30 sober days I have had since I started drinking when I was 13 or so. Interesting times, to say the least.
Just to sum that up - if you are having surgery or have already had it and have even the slightest tendency towards addiction to anything (hello? food!!) just keep an eye on it. The calories alone are enough to steer you clear - I was probably taking in about 500 calories in wine alone every night. So not worth it at all.
And now on to...
Life:
I am moving to LA August 18, 2006. I give my notice at work this week and I am terrified but so excited. I decided, with some help from some people, to go to Vidal Sassooon in Santa Monica. It is incredibly expensive but it is worth it. Their structure will provide me with a very rigid schedule and that is exactly what I need. I will have to get past the whole Student Loan terror and just go for it. I am going into debt to secure a profitable future. It's an investment. I need to remmeber that. I will be in LA atthe end of July to check out the school. School will start on September 5th for me. So exciting! I can't wait for the new chapter of my life to begin.
What else? I was in Philly for a family Bat Mitzvah. I didn;t drink through the whole weekend and it felt good, I suppose. It was hard, don;t get me wrong. I love to drink. I want to drink. I can't drink. Crappy.
I just got spend a really great 5 days with Jason. :) He came up Friday and we played in SF and did touristy things. We went to Pier 39 and had chowder in a bread bowl. We walked around and looked at Alcatraz. We went to the Musee Mechanique, which I love. We got souvenir pennies and took pictures in a photo booth. It was so much fun. :) We also went to the Botanical Gardens - my favorite place. I got to show Jason all the places I have lived in the city and all the stuff I used to love/love now. It was a great time full of lots of time just getting to be together, watching TV and playing video games. I suck at video games, by the way. I need to play with people who suck worse than me. ;) J left this am which blows but I will see him in 3 weeks and then 3 weeks later, I am there. All is good. All is very very good.
So there it is, folks. That's where I am right now - sober, still losing, happy, focused, determined, and ready to go. Wish me luck. :)
posted by Neely at 11:59 AM
1 Comments:
Good luck on breaking the news to the boss! And on everything else too!
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