3 years? ugh.

Tomorrow is my 3 year anniversary at this here job. That is fucked up. I found this job randomly on craigslist and I can't believe I am still here.

I have gone through some crazy shit while working here. My realtionship with Eric bloomed then withered. I lost my Ari. I lost Jon. I have been at my heaviest weight in my life and my lowest in years. I made a major life decision to go to school for something I love. I have been sober for 49 days today. I met a really great guy. I have really tried to work on myself, both in strengths and weakness. I feel like I have taken action to move ahead in my life and actually make somethng of it. I feel good about that.

Now I just need to sit back and let things happen. That is somethng I am working on too. It takes constant attention and awareness but I try. All I can do is try. Here's a little something I read this morning that I really liked:

"To live fully and creatively, to contribute what is only ours to give, requires that we be receptive, wholly, to the reverberations of each present moment. Even anticipation of what may transpire next can prejudice our minds, our level of awareness. Preconceptions cloud our senses. They prevent the actual situation from being fully realized. And it is only in the now, as sensed moment by moment, that we find our cues to proceed along the path chosen for us."

That is how I am trying to live my life. It is so hard. But I have a lot of help. Thanks.