advice
I got a great email today from a great woman with some great advice. I need to start looking into what is making me be all crazy. I am going to have to start adding and removing things from my daily life to test what is going on to make me feel this way. Sadly, one thing that I can cut out failry easily that I am sure will make somewhat of a difference is my love, caffeine. I don;t want to get rid of it but I think it is an easy test to take. Tomorrow morning that will begin. I already had my morning latte today.
I need to keep walking. I need to keep exercising and working out to feel better. I need to find something to get me to a new place - weight-wise and emotionally. My advisor suggested meditation or yoga but I just can;t get there. I think the time I spend walking and thinking is good for me. I need to take my ipod off every once in a while and just think, though. I have a lot to think about.
I am feeling kinda shaken and unknown right now. I don;t like that feeling. I felt like I knew what was coming for me and now I have no idea. I don;t know for sure that the weight is going to come off. I feel almost as if I am sabotaging myself right now. Why would I do that? Why now? It's my protective covering, I suppose. It's my wall. I don;t like to let down my walls. When I do, I tend to get hurt. They didn;t build walls around castles for nothing - they keep you safe. But they also keep you isolated. I don;t want to isolate myself. I want to be exposed and open so that all of the things that bring me happiness can find me. I hope I don;t put my walls back up. I hope I let my protective covering fall. It's a hard thing to do, though. You spend your whole life building this thing, this barrier, and now you have to dismantle it piece by piece. It's gonna take a while, I know. I am going to keep working on it though. I have to.
I need to keep walking. I need to keep exercising and working out to feel better. I need to find something to get me to a new place - weight-wise and emotionally. My advisor suggested meditation or yoga but I just can;t get there. I think the time I spend walking and thinking is good for me. I need to take my ipod off every once in a while and just think, though. I have a lot to think about.
I am feeling kinda shaken and unknown right now. I don;t like that feeling. I felt like I knew what was coming for me and now I have no idea. I don;t know for sure that the weight is going to come off. I feel almost as if I am sabotaging myself right now. Why would I do that? Why now? It's my protective covering, I suppose. It's my wall. I don;t like to let down my walls. When I do, I tend to get hurt. They didn;t build walls around castles for nothing - they keep you safe. But they also keep you isolated. I don;t want to isolate myself. I want to be exposed and open so that all of the things that bring me happiness can find me. I hope I don;t put my walls back up. I hope I let my protective covering fall. It's a hard thing to do, though. You spend your whole life building this thing, this barrier, and now you have to dismantle it piece by piece. It's gonna take a while, I know. I am going to keep working on it though. I have to.
posted by Neely at 11:10 AM
1 Comments:
just remember: this is the kind of wall that has to come down brick by brick. there are no bulldozers here. the bricks are heavy. and there is a lot of mortar holding them in place. sometimes you carry them alone. sometimes people help you carry them away. sometimes people put them back accidentally. it will happen because you are ready for it to. i love you!
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