Oy, the busy!

So, I moved. I finally moved. Pretty much all my stuff is at my new place, save my vacuum, a vase, a forgotten table, and maybe some pens I left on the floor; but for the most part everything is shifted. I am exhausted and the movers were a bit of a disaster but it is done and that is the important part.

I love my new house with a reckless abandon. It is so beautiful. Everything about it is just amazing. I love the layout. I love the ceilings. I love my windows. I love the living room. I love the kitchen and its exposed brick wall. I love that my plants can live in my room AND get enough sunlight. I love the hallway. I LOVE my roomates. I love my new cats. :) I love our deck. It is all just so great. I can;t wait to get everything unpacked and put away. It is going to be beautiful.

Another exciting thing in my life? I have my appointment withmy surgeon. After officially finishing all of my appointments and hoops, I am meeting with my surgeon again on Wednesday (yes, this wednesday) at 10:30am. Hopefully, all will go smoothly and I will come out of that appointment with a surgery date. I am so excited. 4-6 weeks from now, I could be done. I could actually be officially on my way. This is such a huge milestone. Things really are happening. Things are going so well, it is almost scary.

I really have been so happy, if a little lacking in some amazing company all weekend. Tonight should cure that though. I like when people come home to me...

it's been so long, my hair changed colors!!!

I think I like it.

So, I know I need to post about Vegas but I have been swamped, exhausted, and incredibly preoccupied all week so I just haven't done it yet. We had a great time though. We gambled and drank and walked and the sun worshippers I was travelling with cancer'd themselves. All in all it was a success, I do believe. I hope moll had fun - we sure did. We went ot his incredible place for dinner on Saturday night called Sensi, at the Bellagio. It was the best meal I have ever had in my entire life, I do believe. Thanks to mom for taking us there. It was so incredible. Les had quite the run on the nickel slots. I discovered nickel video poker at the sahara (andrea - i can not wait to get there with you again asap!!!!) so my dream in life was realized. My mom kept coming back from gambling with like these $50 tickets. Molly was like a blackjack hustler (I miss our dealer, Zip.) We all worked our little corners of gambling and we all had a great time doin git. Les and I had a great coup on the blackjack tables with our last 20 bucks. We played a long time on it before we finally lost it all. It was way fun though!!

My week at work has been crazy. My boss is in NY for the rest of the time, though, so it's all good. I have to move the day after tomorrow - that is fucking insane. We go pick up keys tomorrow at 4 and I can't f'ing wait. I will spend tomorrow night packing like a mad woman and then hopefully, I will be ready in time for the movers!! Ack! It is definitely time for jsut throwing stuff in boxes. At this point I just need it packed.

All in all, this week has been a really good one. I have been really happy and really spoiled in a really, really nice way. I think this change of season/hair/apartment is going to be good for me. I always get excited by possibility.

What a fantastic freakin' Friday!

Um, so the week got better. Might have to do with not being at work yesterday or much of today. Might have to do with soemone cool I have been hanging out with. Might have to do with the fact that I am going to freakin' Vegas tonight!!!!!! i am so excited. Not only am I going to vegas but I get to see my sisters (mom- don't get offended, i am excited to see you too.) We are going ot have the greatest time.

I am home early from work so that i can do some laundry so that I cana ctually walk around Vegas with clothes on - that's how we all want it people, trust me. So I am quickly eatign some lunch so I can go over to the laundromat and wash all my clothes. Ok, not all of my clothes but all my clothes I might possibly need this weekend or until I move. Which basically means socks and undies. :)

I had a failed attempt at jeans-buying at Old Navy onthe way home. Upside? I fit into a 22. Not so plus side? I am so odly shaped that they were all too big in the ass and thighs anyway. Whatev. I am just going to have to wash and dry my jeans today and hope it helps.

I had my final test yesterday, btw. I have my upper GI endoscopy. It wasn't so bad but I kind of feel like I have a golfball in my throat today. It hurts. I assume the alcohol level I keep myself at through this weekend will dull the pain. yay! So, Monday I will call the surgeon's office and let them know that i a, all done and that they need to bring me back in to see them and GET MY SURGERY DATE!!! I can;t believe it is almost here. Wow. That wasn;t so bad after all.

Okm kids, laundry awaits. Now, don't y'all drink too much this weekend. Or gamble too much. Or stay up too late. Hee hee. :)

What a shitty fuckin' Tuesday

Seriously. Today was just bad. Work sucked, I had a really awful headache most of the day, I even swallowed my freakin' gum earlier - who deos that still???? i am tempted to just go to bed now so that the day will at least be over. I'll probably just lay there and not be able to sleep. Crappy day.

Tomorrow is the board meeting. I am so not excited about that in the least. It's just a whole bunch of planning and bullshit followed by me sitting there for 2 hours taking notes, followed by an afternoon when I should eb able to just relax but it only gets more annoying. am sure you can tell how excited I am about tomorrow.

Thursday is my lame-o upper gi endoscopy. At least they feed me drugs for that one. Yippee. Seriously though, I get to show up at 10 so they can give me an IV (never comfy) and then I chill til 11 when they are supposed to start me. i am sure I will be waiting a bit longer than that -I know my doctors by now. This is it though: the final test. After Thursday i am done with all my pre-op tests and I can finally work on getting another appointment with my surgeon so I can get my date. I just want to know when this all starts. I know - I ahve said that like a hundred times but I need that light atthe end of the tunnel, ya know? It helps to get through this.

Goin' to Vegas for Moll's bday this weekend and I am way excited. :) She isn;t feelin; so hot right now but I am sure her cold or flu or whatever will go away by this weekend. We'll make sure of it. And besides - alcohol kills eveything, doesn't it?

Night, folks. I am so over this Tuesday and am thinkin' I just might call it a day.

A weekend full of stuff

As much as I didn't want to, I packed more this weekend. I managed to get my kitchen all done (all except for one bowl, which is kinda weird.) I feel a little better that that is done. I will now just keep packing stuff up little by little. I mean, it's gonna move one way or the other. It's not like I can just abandon stuff there! Allsion was great in reassuring me that we would get it all done, one way or another.

I am so excited to live with those girls. They freakin' rock. Allison and I decided we had had enough of the packing by late saturday and she came over for drinks. We had a blast, I have to say. And I loved thinking about how we will just get to hang out whenever we want to soon! I miss living with my friends. I am excited to be more social and just have people around more often. Things are going to be so different but so great, too.

Saturday night was way fun, if way unexpected and way unlike me.

Sunday? Slothday. I watched that movie Hide and Seek, with Robert Deniro and Dakota Fanning. Not sure why. Needed distraction and all my movies are packed. It did the trick. I also took a lovely nap (andrea - I so get why you love napping!) and I managed to also go to bed by like 9. It was a true Sunday.

I am down another pound. I woke up yesterday down 2.5 pounds but I knew better than to trust that the first time it showed up. I can no longer wear my jeans, by the way. I put them onthis mornignand it was just awful. Tey were way saggy where they just shouldn't. That is great, I know, but it leaves me without jeans. I may try to get over to old navy after work just to see if I can find a pair of jeans for everyday. I am back into my old favorite pair of pants - my party pants. :) Les- you know which ones I mean. They are size 22 but they are a big 22 cuz I have another pair of plain black dress pants that are 22s and they so do not fit me yet. In time... in time.



Enjoy your Monday people and...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LES AND MOLL!!!!!!!!!

The scale finally moves!!!

You might have noticed I haven't mentioned my weight for a little bit now. That would be because nothing was freakin' happening!! Well, something broke cuz I am on my way down again. Here ya are:



Boring Friday over here but thought that deserved an update. :)

I think they broke a rib.

Echocardiograms hurt like a son of a bitch. This chick just kept smearing this nasty gel on me while she pushed an ultrasound probe as hard as she could into my rib. Ouch motherfucker!! It was not so fun at all. What is fun, though, is that I am only one single solitary step away from being done with my presurgery testing. I am so excited about that. All I have left is my Upper GI Endoscopy next Thursday and then - voila! I get to go in and meet with my surgeon again and get my date. I am so happy about this. I just want to know my date so I can start getting official abou tit. I can finally tell the rest of my family and peopl, I can figure out my time off of work, I can hound my mom to come up and stay with me :) I just want to know what the deal is.

What else? I need to keep packing and I have kinda slowed on that front. It got really boring, to be honest. I will continue this weekend. Ooh! I know! I am going in for a color consult with a new girl this saturday. I am going to have to stop bleaching my hair before the surgery so that I have a better chance of it not falling out. I have come to the conclusion that the only way I can really do that is to start the process now. I was needing to get my color done anyway. So on Saturday I am going to some strange salon and finding out the process to turn my hair boring brown. (disclaimer: if you have brown hair, I love it. I just can't see myself with it.) I hope I can keep at least a little Neely to it. We'll see what ends up happening. This could be th ebeginning of a very long road. A big cut is in my future too. I think I will wait until at least November on that one though. Oh man. Me with just one hair color? That is just weird.

Back to pseudo-work for me. Lame.

Pudding and other things

No sense to the title, y'all. I am simply eating pudding and doing other things too.

I am filled with this sense of impending doom and I am not quite sure why. My boss gets back tomorrow but all is well with my end so there is no reason to stress about that, really. She has been in Hawaii so I am hoping for some coffee. :) This feeling I am having isn't even really like an awful feeling, just kind of nothing. Maybe it is just that I am not jumping for joy so I am confusing this with a bad feeling? No. I definitely feel like something is going down. Well, we can all take solace in the fact that I am not known for my psychic abilities, although once in 2nd grade I wished I had a cough like Ronen Eiger's and I woke up with one the next day. I still kick myself for not having wished for world peace or lifelong wealth or something. Crappy.

This pudding is pretty good. No sugar added. Yum.

I made an appointment today to meet with the nutritionist again. I will go over my list I made of stuff I think I can eat right after surgery and through the different phases. I found this pudding with all this protein in it but I think I have issues eating pudding out of a metal can. We'll see. Here's the list of things I can eat in the first 2 weeks after surgery. Looks fun.

Broth
Broth with protein mix in it
Jello
Crystal light
Protein drinks
SF popsicles
Sf carnation instant breakfast
Wonton soup w/o wontons
Protein shakes made with lactaid
V8
Crystal light OJ (has vitamin C to take with Calcium)

Basically it is anything that is a clear liquid and then moving onto "thicker" liquids as I can tolerate. That is only like 2-4 weeks or so I guess. During that time I am on abotu 500 calories a day. Weird but it's what is supposed to happen. I'll run down the pther phases another day. i am over it.


I also have my echocradiogram appt. this Thursday; that is exciting. I assume it will be quick appointment. Ugh, I hope so at least.

Alright. I am done with this. Enjoy Tuesday, kids.

AJG

Where are you going, with your long face pulling down?
Don’t hide away, like an ocean
But you can’t see, but you can smell
And the sound waves crash down

I am no superman
I have no reasons for you
I am no hero, oh that’s for sure
But I do know one thing
Is where you are, is where I belong
I do know, where you go, is where I want to be

Where are you going, where do you go?
Are you looking for answers to questions under the stars?
If along the way you are growing weary,
you can rest with me until a brighter day
You're okay.

I am no superman
I have no answers for you
I am no hero, oh that’s for sure
But I do know one thing
Is where you are, is where I belong
I do know where you go, is where I want to be.

Where do you go?
Where are you going?
Where do you go?

I am no superman.
I have no reasons for you.
I am no hero, oh that’s for sure.
But I do know one thing,
Is where you are, is where I belong
I do know, where you go, is where I want to be.

Where are you going?
Where do you go?
Let’s go.

Fuck Packing!

My mood has shifted dramatically. I fucking hate packing. This sucks. I am so over this. Can't I just throw shit in boxeds and I will just figure it out when I get there? I think it might just come to that. I don't want to do this anymore. It isn't fun. I thought it was fun. It's not. I am down to all the papers and shit. All the drawers full of just, stuff. I hate that part. I think I just need to stop for the day.

I hate the boxes I have too. They are so odd shaped and there aren't enough of them. I hate not having enough boxes. That sucks. I have to be all worried that enogh stuff goes in each. And since they are weird sizes i have to gauge what is going to fit in what AND I CAN'T DO THAT!!! I am mentally incapable of doing that and it is getting really fucking frustrating.

I am also totally bored. Liek I know even if I stop this lame ass packing I am doing, I will still be bored. In fact, i will probably be more bored. I just wish I could move tomorrow. Then I could just spend the rest of the day finishing up and then I could get the hell out of here. I am over my apartment. iams tarting to hate it. It is huge, yes, but it is also kinda ghetto in spots. I don't want ghetto anymore. I want nice and clean and new and matching and not slanted. I want all of my cabinets to shut easily. I want there to be more than one drawer in the god damn kitchen. I don;t even want to go in my kitchen here anymore.

Dude, I am fucking pissed off. Maybe I need to go back to listening to trance and turn off the jungle I am listening to.
By the way - my desk? All this shit is getting thrown into a box. I don't give a fuck.

Packing vs. Bringing up old memories

I have been packing since around 11 this morning. My friend Sunny came over to help out - she rocks. Well, a good deal of the packing included finding weird things that I needed to look at/show to Sunny. These included but are not limited to: my 9th and 12th grade yearbooks with a couple of inscriptions read aloud, photos from almost every phase of my life, a tape of clips interspersed withan answering machine message from Josh Rudoy and Ari, old clothes of mine (I found my elektrosorcery shirt!!!), pics and stories from camp, a reading of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, some very bad and very good music (including my senior year "cry tape"), and other stuff. She is a saint for dealing with me.

Now that Sunny is gone and the packing continues, I put on some tapes that I found and new she would hate (all trance, for the most part). Weird thing is, Evan made me most of these tapes. Evan and I were like the best of best of friends for a good few years of my life and I even spent a couple years thinking I was somewhat in love with him. Anyway, we no longer speak. I moved to SF and moved in with him and his gf and things just went wrong. We had grown in opposite directions while i was in LA and I was fiercely adamant that my way was THE way when I came up here. Add that to being retardedly wrapped up in my first real relationship and it made for a friendship ending situation. Looking back, it may not have been all his fault like I have been insisting for this last couple years. I miss him sometimes. Now is one of those. Sorry, Ev. Shit shouldn;t have happened the way it did. And thanks so much for making these tapes for me. If only i could call to askt he name of this song. It goes "doo. doo. doo-doo." If anyone knows, I am dying for the title or at least the artist. :)

Packing is going, by the way. I have a wall of boxes already. My books are packed. My movies are packed for the most part. My dishes are packed. My bar is packed. My knick knacks are packed. I have a lot of crap. But I am makign progress. :)

Updates - short, sweet and slightly unnecessary

OK kids her eis the first update:



Not bad. :)

Next - stuff still to complete:

Echocardiogram - 9/8 at 9am
Persantine Thallium Test - DONE!
Electrocardiogram - DONE!
Chest X ray - DONE!
Abdominal Ultrasound - DONE!
Pelvic Ultrasound - DONE!
CBC, Electrolytes, BUN, Creatinine - DONE!
TSH - DONE!
Prolactin - DONE!
Cortisol - DONE!
Upper GI Endoscopy - 9/15 at 11am
Psych Eval - DONE!
Nutritional Consultation - DONE!
Documentation of 15 pound weight loss - On my home scale I am down 14.2 pounds. On my doctor's scale, fully dressed, I was down 11 pounds. The nutritionist said there is usually a 3-4 pound difference between home scales and their scale. Yay! I am still walking at least 2 miles everyday (more like 3 nowadays) and am feeling great.

I will hopefully only have to wait til the beginning of October to get my next appointment with the surgeon and then I should have my surgery date! Could I be more excited about this whole thing? I can't wait til I get down another size. I think I will feel like I am at a more manageable high weight then. Right now I am just at the top of the top and it still feels not so great. I can roll the waistband of my jeans now - that was exciting. :) As long as this weight just keeps coming off, I will have this smile on my face; and as long as I keep doing what I am doing, the weight will keep coming off. :)

Down the road

Hang on - lemme fill my water bottle.

OK, much better.

Does yogurt go bad? The other day I left a bag of frozen meals and yogurt sittingin my living room when i went to work (i was pissed) and they were all still cold/semi frozen when I came home so I am eating them. Thsi cherry yogurt I am eating now is weird though - and I am not even sure it is one of the ones I left out. Paranoia.

Today has been a great day. My mood is still up and I am hoping it isn't some soort of manic episode. It feel slike a solid kind of happy though. My face does hurt from smiling though.

Today was the first day i reall saw a difference since I started losing weight. My pants are definitely bigger - I told youthat yesterday, I believe - but more than that, my stomach is definitely just not so santa-like. I amd feeling less like a big caramel apple on a stick, and this is wonderful news. I am aiming to not look at all like an apple on a stick; caramel, candy, or otherwise. (Tangent: back in the day when I lived in Santa Cruz and worked at Marini's - a candy store - they used to make these things called Apple Pie Apples. They were caramel apples, dipped in white chocolate and then rolled in a cinnamon/sugar/borwn sugar (?) mixture. They were fucking good. I was also pretty much always stoned during this time so the munchies were a given with me. Employees always got to take home leftover apples at the end of the day since they didn't keep til the next. My housemates LOVED me and my amazing gourmet munchies I used to bring home. That was such a weird time.) So I know I am feeling so much better - just my movements are quicker and less deliberate. That feels great to me. And now I am starting to see the difference and the difference is great.

Such fun stuff.

Besio is a great last name

The nutritionist I am going to see this morning is named david Besio. I just love the last name Besio, for some reason. I am wasting time until I can go jump on Muni (fare goes up to $1.50 today. lame.) so I decided to jot down a thought or 2.

I am smiling this morning, Things have just been doing what I ask them to do lately. Normally when things are going well it makes me nervous cuz I figure the bottom will drop out soon. This time thoguh, I feel liek the good stuff I am getting is because of the work I am putting in and that is a really safe feeling. Relationships, healtht, work, finances, everything else - i am working hard to keep these things balanced and flowing and therefore, they are! It actually works like that. Who the fuck knew??? I assume outside influences could come in at any time and pull the rug out from under me but I feel like I am holdingon tight enough that I would fall down. I am chock full of metaphory euphemisms this morning, aren't I? Main point - I feel happy. I feel satisfied. I feel hopeful. I feel excited. I feel good enough.

It feels good to know that someone traveling through Texas is thnking nice thoughts about me right now, too. And being that it is Texas, he is probably the only one. :)