The nerves finally hit.
For the first time in this process I am having fears that I won't be officially approved by my insurance. I don't know why I got so scared.
I met with a psychologist today to be evaluated so she can write a letter saying I am a good candidate for this surgery. I think I was a little too gung ho about being at therapy and I think I overshared. On paper I am pretty fucked up. On paper I am anxious and depressed with a pretty fucked up family past and a string of failures in my life. I am not career driven or education driven. I am content with my life but at the same time miserably unhappy. I have both too-high self esteem and terribly low self esteem. I am a fucking wreck. I felt like I was talking to the doctor but at the same time kind of stuttering and not really getting my words out right. I would go off on tangents and never really answer her questions. I am afraid she will write a letter with too much detail and end up with me not being approved for surgery. I don't even know what I would do. I mean, I would keep doing what I am doing now but not to have that surgery date in my hands for even longer... I don't want to deal with that.
I met with a psychologist today to be evaluated so she can write a letter saying I am a good candidate for this surgery. I think I was a little too gung ho about being at therapy and I think I overshared. On paper I am pretty fucked up. On paper I am anxious and depressed with a pretty fucked up family past and a string of failures in my life. I am not career driven or education driven. I am content with my life but at the same time miserably unhappy. I have both too-high self esteem and terribly low self esteem. I am a fucking wreck. I felt like I was talking to the doctor but at the same time kind of stuttering and not really getting my words out right. I would go off on tangents and never really answer her questions. I am afraid she will write a letter with too much detail and end up with me not being approved for surgery. I don't even know what I would do. I mean, I would keep doing what I am doing now but not to have that surgery date in my hands for even longer... I don't want to deal with that.
posted by Neely at 3:57 PM
1 Comments:
And there is a whole other way to look at it. I'm proud of you and the way you have overcome challenges and kept on truckin'. I'm proud of how much love you generate from others and all that don't come from being screwed up as you say. I think the doctor is smart enough to see that also. If you weren't a little scared and nervous you would not be reality-based. Everything you are worried about is stressful - but you can do it and you have a lot of people around to support you. : )
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